Welcome to Lost Cyber Meeting #1,214
Agenda
Action Item #1: Desmond Jr.
So Desmond and Penny, heretofore known, in this J-Lo, Bennifer society in which we live, as Denny, have a baby. Great. Perpetuate the crazy.
Action Item #Deux: Explosive Scene!
That explosion scene by the creek was awesome! Did you see those people go flying? They went totally sideways. I laughed until I cried. Is that wrong? Hey, they were extras and they meant nothing to you and you know it. Don't you judge me.
Action Item #Three: Like Lassie Barking When Timmy Falls in the Well...
...the music people on Lost are trying to tell us something. The dramatic swells of music when someone says something (like when Julia says "because they're OTHERS") make me feel like something earth shattering has been revealed, and I should be blown away. But 93.8% of the time, I have no idea what the revelation is, and then I feel badly about myself. So instead I find myself on the couch clapping and saying "oooh the pretty music!" I used to think I was smart. That was before Lost.
Action Item #D: Sawyer in a Sombrero
I had paused Lost when it came on, and was watching on a delay so I could fast forward through the commercials. But I accidentally hit a button on the remote and changed to channel 6. some sort of Mexican soap opera. I'll have you know that a) it took me about 20 minutes to realize it was not Lost (I figured they were Spanish-speaking others), and b) part of me wished I didn't have to go back to the island. The part of me that is dead inside because of this show.
Action Item #IV: Want Lashes Like These?
Ask Richard, heretofore known as Manscara for those long lasting lashes of his. What is this bomb of which everyone speaks? Daniel expects anyone to believe that he's in love with Nose Bleed? That's a flimsy excuse, and I can't believe Manscara fell for it.
Action Item #Whatev: Latin Shmatin
Latin is the language of the enlightened, huh? And of the Others? Well little do they know that the language of the Lost Cyber Meeting Consortium is also Latin...Pig Latin. And to my fellow LCMCers, I say this:
is-thay ow-shay ucks-say
Awards Ceremony
The winner for the most common sense statement of the night goes to Blonde Chick with Gun:
"You expect me to believe that you, a British Woman and a Chinese man are all members of the United States Army?"
She gets extra points because not only does it make sense, it also sounds like one of those jokes...The Pope, a British woman and a Chinese guy walk into a bar..." Tap, tap tap...is this thing on?
Action Item #Sicks: Where are Archie and Veronica?
Who names an atomic bomb Jughead? That's not very scary. If I were naming an atomic bomb I would name it something like "The Pulverizer" or "Kaplooey" or "Sarah Palin" or something similarly terrifying. Certainly not Jughead.
Emergency Intervention
Much like our angry commenter AM from the last post, I, too, am feeling overwhelmed and rage-filled. Where are the Oceanic 6? I say less extras, more SAG card carrying actors, please. A week without whiny Jack welling up with tears is like a week when Sawyer keeps his shirt on. And buttoned. Despite all the dramatic music swells. Let's support each other as we deal with this loss. Counselors are available throughout the day.
Message from crazed person in the back of the meeting room:
ARE YOU TELLING ME THE YOUNG OTHER, AKA CHARLES WIDMORE, IS PENNY'S FATHER???? I TAKE IT THAT HAS TO DO WITH TIME TRAVEL THEN? LIKE, OH I DON'T KNOW, 40 YEARS AGO? BECAUSE IF THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT ME IN AN ICE FILLED BATH TUB AND STEAL MY KIDNEYS, BECAUSE THAT WOULD HURT LESS. DON'T YOU DO THIS TO ME, JJ ABRAMS. JUST DON'T!
Ok, sorry for that disruption. Security has been called.
Oops, the crazy person's back.
NINETEEN FIFTY FRICKIN' FOUR? WELL YOU CAN SHOVE NINETEEN FIFTY FRICKIN' FOUR UP YOUR A...
Ok, good job security. Easy with the taser.
Action Item #7: Nose Bleed
You know, I still have some winter dryness, so I don't appreciate Nose Bleed's scenes. I still suspect I've been exposed to Dharma gasses.
Questions & Answers
Anger Management Breakout Session
Hot Breakfast Buffet
Adjourn
